Re-membering yourself home in your body

Re-membering yourself home in your body

“Our bodies know they belong; it is our minds that make our lives so homeless.” John O’Donohue

I love this quote and I believe there is so much truth in it! 

Our stories start in the body with the way our autonomous nervous system ‘feels’ the world from moment to moment. It is called ‘neuroception’; a term originating from Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal theory. We only have little awareness of these subtle shifts in our states and the influence that they have on how we feel, perceive our environment, and behave from moment to moment. These wordless neuroceptive messages are somatic signals, like a gut feeling, sensations of temperature change, sensations from our organs, muscles or our heart intuition … The autonomic nervous system sends these neuroceptive signals to the brain.

 Our mind then starts to give meaning to this somatic story that our body tells by creating the beliefs that guide our daily life. A story is being born.

Since this process usually takes place in the unconscious background of our daily lives, ‘our moment-to-moment being’, such a story has a chance to take deep root. It is often the seed from which unconscious habits in perception, behavior, movement, and attitude grow. And these habits influence our decision-making, self-image, reactions, and how we see the world and give meaning to what we perceive, and ultimately how we relate to others and our environment.

Awareness is the key to our unconscious stories

We can become aware of this unconscious flow of information by pausing, listening in our body, and attending to our body sensations before we interpret them with our mind. Much like being a witness

 When we can observe from the curious, playful “infant mind space” rather than our more judgmental “ego mind space,” we create a new space for trying out options in response, behavior, and perception. An option to enact a new story by using the ability of our nervous system and body to adapt, change and grow.

Unlock your capacity for self-healing

We meet ourselves through our infant mind space when we attend to conscious movement, expressive dance, and arts. When we invite ourselves to reconnect with our bodies, to play, explore and discover the wisdom that our body holds for us. I believe this unlocks our capacity for self-healing

It’s how I healed myself many years ago when I realized that I had lost my zest and sparkle and felt alienated from myself. I made the choice to change how I listened to and looked at myself, to re-story, to meet myself again in movement, in the moment, to re-member myself home in my body.

Are you curious how you can feel more whole and connected to your body?

Maybe a dance movement creativity retreat at Jardin de Luz is something for you.  Feel welcome to contact me for A free orienting conversation

My sexy tango dress

My sexy tango dress

Years ago, when I started dancing the tango, I wanted a sexy dress. I found a very nice dress that swirled around me when I danced and which had a very nice low back. For years I have worn that dress with great pleasure and I looked super sexy and elegant in that dress. It draped beautifully and the fabric felt like a second skin. 

Over the years I added other tango dresses to my wardrobe and the dashing tango dress ended up somewhere in the back of the closet.

A while ago I was looking for my things to pack for the big move to Spain. We would be living in a holiday home there for the time being until the dream spot was found. It seemed smart to travel light and give a big part of my closet to charity.

And in the back of the closet lay that beautiful tango dress folded up. The deep colors smiled at me, still as seductive as then. I felt it tingling in my stomach again. I let the soft fabric slide through my hands… ‘Mmmhh I can still try it on, you never know.’ 

Over the years an ounce here and an ounce there had come in and out. Anyway, my shape now did not seem to dance with the dress, at least not in size. I was no longer the 30-year-old I was then, although with some willpower and effort, I might well be able to regain that shape. Still, the dress would not be the same. I am a different person than the woman who once bought the dress. I have traveled a long way, and gathered new experiences, and other experiences that have shaped me, and made me think and feel differently in my life.

That brings me to today’s theme:

What do we do with the beliefs we have?

One could compare the beliefs to the tango dress.  We create the most beliefs when we are very small; our core beliefs. And at that point, they fit us perfectly in how they help us make meaning of the world and protect it. Many people carry their beliefs throughout their lives, despite having all kinds of wonderful experiences over the years that also teach and tell them other things. And that’s a shame because these early beliefs are a kind of thought warp created out of emotional experiences and learned patterns and frames of thought. They are like limiting filters on reality and they leave out a lot or distort and generalize unique new experiences, encounters, and views that help us grow as human beings.

What would it be like if we occasionally ‘put on’ such an old belief very consciously, as I tried on my tango dress years later because it looked so beautiful? Would that belief still fit?  Or do we now have to try very hard to fit into it? 

I noticed that I had old limiting beliefs that I could only continue to “fit” if I made myself smaller or less. And for quite a few years I kept faithfully adjusting myself to those limiting beliefs of ‘Not being good enough” and ‘What is wrong with me?’ 
I could have done that with my tango dress: I could have gone on a diet, and I could have worked out to get a different body. However, I chose to distance myself from the dress. It was good, this tango dress belonged to a certain time and to this time a different dress fits.

A few years ago, together with my tango dress, I put a number of limiting beliefs in charity’s ‘bag’. Beliefs also have an expiration date, for beliefs, just like the tango dress, don’t change. And we are always in motion, in an evolving state. There will irrevocably come a time when we want to live differently when we want to be full of life and be who we are deep inside. No more crash diets for the body, mind, and soul. And then it’s time to do what I did with the tango dress.

I lovingly gave it to charity. Who knows, maybe someone else will be very happy with it now and the dress will be swaying across the dance floor with a different body.  You can do the same with your limiting beliefs. You CAN let them go lovingly.

Which “tango dress” are you giving up?

 

Are you trapped in an old story?

Are you trapped in an old story?

Yesterday I participated in an online training course to become an NIA Blackbelt teacher with about twenty other women. The assignment we got was to take turns in front of the camera, engaging the other women in your dance. I felt the shrinking motion, so familiar to me, of wanting to vanish into thin air. I am back on that bright spring day more than 40 years ago.

‘Birds are twittering and a gentle summer breeze rustles through the trees. Other children’s laughter and voices echo through the hallways. It is my first day at a new school and shyness and curiosity fight together as I hesitantly step into the new classroom.

I am watched closely by a group of girls and crack a shy smile. A sharp voice cuts through the room. The piercing cold eyes of an old gruff woman bore into me. I feel awfully uncomfortable. She calls me to come to the front of the class. With clammy hands I stand in front of the blackboard, sweat gushes down my back, and I feel the heat rising to my cheeks… She is the teacher and I feel that she does not like me at all.

She makes a snide comment about my father and pulls hard on my ear. I feel myself shrinking and my cheeks flush red, tears prick my eyes, clouding my vision. In front of me, I hear booing and laughing and commenting about my fire-red head, my weird name, stick-out ears and hazel teeth. I feel something is terribly wrong with me, but what and why?

Later in the schoolyard, they stand before me, the group of boys from my class. They pull at me, push me to the ground, and hiss that they are not done with me yet. I hide, I tremble, in my own little world, “I do not belong, I am not safe”.

 I quickly turned off my camera in a flight response. I feel caught again in this old story of being pilloried, being punished, the shame, the feeling that something is wrong with me but what and why? A story that keeps repeating itself over and over again.

But there it was the voice from deep inside: “IT IS ENOUGH”. “I’m done hiding, being invisible.” Back on again I put the camera, raising my middle finger to this story. Shy, nervous, and at the same time curious and determined to enjoy the dance, I stepped into my light and showed my sparkle.

Do you have old stories that keep you trapped in pain and tension?

Old childhood pain takes on big forms. In our subconscious, the hurt children go their own way. In the therapy world, it is also called the shadow. That’s where all the emotions live that are too painful and unsafe to deal with. I had my ways of pushing the shadow away from me, dissociating was one of them. It was in no way pleasant to live in a very tense and exhausted body either. I was very easily overwhelmed and always on high alert with others.

Living with so much tension and anxiety comes with a price. Sooner or later, the body says “No”. My body decided enough was enough on one rainy, grey, and cold winter day. She was done with the toxic environments that I managed to get myself into, time and time again. As if this past painful story had to be told over and over again.

That one day, ‘that tough day like all the other days’, I chose a new movement in a different direction, while my body took the lead.

This is where my journey into joy, spontaneity, and feeling free began.

Feeling safe doesn’t come overnight.

Only when the immediate threat is gone, do the survival patterns come to the surface. The coping attitudes- and behaviors, the deep beliefs and emotional habits that are on auto-repeat.

My journey progressed in stages. First I got to know my body, feel at home with her… Feeling safe doesn’t come overnight. It requires tuning in, again and again, attuning to the flow of feelings within, the movement of the body, the contraction and expansion, the pain and pleasure. I kept asking questions, curious about the relationships within, and eager to learn. Slowly descending, playing both with my fear and my desire for pleasure. Letting my roots sense into the earth while I gently fell through emotional layers.

Quaking, shaking, screaming, laughing through a sea of tears, I came home to myself, embracing my precious inner sparkle. The dance that once knocked me out, now lets me find my way back home.

Are you done with old stories that rule your life?

Do you want to re-find your inner sparkle and let it shine?

I am happy to shine my light on you here in Jardin de Luz. Let me be your sparkle guide and support you on your journey.

You can book a solo retreat here in the beautiful nature of southern Spain. You will stay in a sweet little house among olives and almonds, overlooking the beauty and power of mother earth. Besides the ‘inner journey sessions’, I will make sure you eat deliciously healthy and have all the space you need to unwind, digest and make a new movement. Want to know more? Book a skype/zoom session with me

How do you measure your health?

How do you measure your health?

In this video, I am talking about a topic that I am very passionate about: What is Health? What is healing?

I also offer a free mini-series of Feldenkrais somatic movement at the end that contains very valuable and transformative lessons to start to thrive in your life. It is called your Compass for health and vitality at the heart of your being.

In this free series, I share 5 important principles and 5 movement lessons that can drastically change the way you feel right now for a permanent better. What does health mean to you?

 

Aging with grace, elegance and confidence

Aging with grace, elegance and confidence

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“How Exercise Enhances Aging Brains. Sedentary, older adults who took aerobic dance classes twice a week showed improvements in brain areas critical for memory and thinking.” (Gretchen Reynolds in Phys Ed)

Isn’t it interesting how your brain’s health, and vitality are interwoven with your body’s well-being and fitness?

But how to help our bodies and brains really feel fit and well in this fast-paced, stressful, mind-over-body age?

I read the above article out of my professional interest as an NIA holistic fitness teacher, neuro-physical specialist, and somatic energetic coach guiding women of all ages and walks of life to build loving relationships with their bodies and attune better to their innate body wisdom. Discovering how a person moves and what moves this person is an important part of my work to help women reconnect with their physiological, psychological nature. So this question came to mind:

Is it about exercising our being or our body?

I believe that movement has to add to the body not hurt it. In striving, disregard less of the body’s design or the unique preferences of one’s own body. there is no gain, just pain. Our Nervous systems respond to pain with stress and survival programming. 

Unfortunately, many movement practices are intended for working out on the body only. There is hardly any space to slow down, feel, and listen to the sensations in the body. It is as if our minds are training our bodies, guided by their conditioning and social expectations.

Many women have lost alignment with the needs of their bodies. And attunement to feeling and emotion is crucial for women to navigate effortlessly through important biological transitions in life-such as menopause-and age with grace, elegance, and confidence. This Mind-over-Body climate, deprives the female brain of crucial information to stay healthy.

I believe that female bodies in particular need joyful movement, spontaneity, playfulness, care, strength, flexibility, agility, balance, healthy emotional housekeeping, and positive, realistic thinking. And funnily enough, that is exactly what our nervous systems also need.

Probably many dance fitness forms that focus on exercise can really help strengthen our brains and probably improve the quality of aging. But I’m convinced that it takes more than just physical training

In guiding many women toward a loving relationship with their bodies and a deep sense of holistic well-being and vitality, I discovered that it all depends on the nature of the exercises and how they connect to who we are, what we need physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally, and how these exercises contribute to restore the connection between soul, body, and mind. In this way, our nervous system receives the vital information to stay attuned to the body and environment and the brain can continue to function optimally.

Therefore a good fitness-oriented dance form for women should include play, expression, spontaneity, and joy in motion.

In playful, expressive movements, our whole being naturally gains more strength, mobility, agility, flexibility, and stability.

To age with grace and elegance, it is imperative that movement is aimed at breaking mental conditioning. No body becomes more flexible if the mind is not flexible. A flexible mind is open, curious, and willing to listen and attune to sensations and feelings. As a result, our sensory- and bodily awareness improves and we become attuned to what we need to stay healthy and resilient.

This is why I want to advocate for *NIA’s holistic approach, which benefits me and my clients – women of all ages and walks of life – so much. An approach grounded in sensory, somatic, and cognitive awareness.

*NIA stands for neuromuscular integrated action and purpose.

A typical NIA class has a balanced mix of freedom and form in dancing and moving. Form comes from many different movement forms that are captured in simple movement phrases or free dance explorations.

A crucial difference with many aerobic and fitness programs is that each NIA class is intended to workout the being instead of only the body.

Meaning that our emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being is equally important in staying healthy and vibrant. Hence, the mix of spontaneous dance and varied simple movement forms helps restore the nervous system and allow the brain to grow and make new connections while giving the body a gentle cardio workout.

NIA helps the nervous system stay healthy and resilient while enhancing the brain areas for memory and thinking.

Consciously creating joy in exercising is a powerful way to nourish the brain. Our brains learn when we are in a relaxed and playful state. Freedance is a powerful tool for joy, play, and spontaneity. It helps to release emotions, open one’s mind to the wonders of the body, and connect with others in a heart-opening way. And when freedance guides us into a somatic and sensory experience, it can help us discover more of ourselves in a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual way.

Form, on the other hand, helps us to discover more of ourselves as we move beyond habitual patterns of preference when we dance. Through the form, the brain trains to memorize, finetune and become accurate in how it organizes itself. It has to ‘rethink’ the ways it wired itself when we dance movements combinations that feel unfamiliar or that are forgotten or unknown to the brain. Brains need variety, quality, intelligent repetition, and quantity to thrive and keep growing.

As we age or move through challenging transitions, our limited thinking patterns have a greater impact on our freedom of movement. Our physical bodies may not feel as strong anymore as we are used to experiencing them. It might cause women to experience fear of falling/failing or have the belief that one is too old to still move freely and spontaneously. Our brain gets slower and starts losing data when we don’t feed it with organic learning, moving, and tasting “new experiences’. This impacts our whole being.

The different movement forms and qualities that are brought to consciousness through form challenge our habitual muscular organization and help us to find strength, stamina, flexibility, fluid mobility, agility, and stability. It can give someone new self-confidence again to feel the ability to move with more of oneself again. To feel more whole and connected with oneself

Exercising that is playful, joyful, and non-striving helps to build awareness about your body’s way and needs through the different stadia of your life. It helps to regain a sense of curious, spontaneous, and playful being in your body. This energizes your nervous system and brain. And it helps restore many movement qualities that we lose over time due to our habits in moving and our preferences in movement.

Aging can be met with emotions of fear, sadness, or frustration. All muscles respond to emotions and vice versa. Movement phrases that are fused with different movement forms and movement qualities change our emotional state by addressing different muscle activities. Becoming aware of how you can change your own emotional states simply by making a different move is really empowering a life of vitality and joy no matter your age.

So now that you know this, what will be your next move, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?