pt 1 How it all started, my story

I am Pingel. I got this nickname from my father when I was around two and it still fits me well. 

My story is one of dancing through life with curiosity and playfulness. A journey of learning to acknowledge and be with my sensations. A journey of learning to be present in my body. A journey into finding my voice, self-expression, and confidence. A  journey through highs and lows that lead me to eventually create beauty with who I am and what I have. A journey that led me to move into joy.

It started with a sparkle deep inside. A deep need to dance from the age of five. It was my remedy-to-go-to during the years of moving and being bullied around. 

Young as I was, the only way I knew ‘how’ to dance through life was by entering a dance academy.

Living that dream did not come easy. My body did not have what it took to be a natural talent for the technical part of the dance. And time and time again I was rejected just for not being supple enough. How can a longing live so deep and not be met? 

I grew up in a climate of constant ranking. The expectations that the community I grew up in had of me made me feel insecure, small, and misunderstood. I often experienced things differently and more intensely. And was rejected by the other kids at school. I can still feel the scars of being bullied and ridiculed. It didn’t take long for I rejected myself too. I became extremely hard and demanding on my body and a perfectionist on guard. By the time I was finally accepted into dance academy, I had broken the loving bond with my body. I had pretty much lost my self-esteem and my spontaneity to move and express myself. A battle with weight, food, and primarily not having to feel had quietly begun.

Body’s can only take that much before they crack. And so my journey of falling and bouncing back up had begun. A journey led by an urge to dance, a body in starvation, and fragile low self-esteem. And although at first, that journey took me through some immense lows, most of all I discovered what brought me back to my feet: my inner curiosity and playfulness.

To be continued…